Allyship Actually - Why its 'we' and not 'me'

Out now!

ALLYSHIP ACTUALLY - Now Available! 📚

Lucy Grimwade and I are thrilled to introduce our novel to the world. 

To learn more about the book and its authors (that's us!) and to order your copy, please look at the PDF enclosed and select your preferred image on the final page. 🖼️

A heartfelt thank you goes out to our contributors for sharing their stories, our reviewers for their valuable feedback, our copy editor, Kirsty Ridge, for your excellent guidance, and our publisher, IT Governance Publishing. 🙏 

We also want to express our gratitude to everyone who has supported us, both in the past and present and to those who inspired us to tell this story (good and bad). ❤️

My biggest thanks go to Lucy for joining me on this journey; not everyone would take on this adventure - thank you, Lucy, for being you! 🌟

Allyship Actually

.pdf

Download PDF • 7.83MB

The Mist

Sometimes, it takes a spark, a small event.

Dropping your watch as you put it on, the dog walk going off plan, the train making you four minutes late, a meeting getting cancelled that plays with your day.

It’s a small thing. Or all of the above in one day.

Other times, it’s a monumental smack in the face — one of those “I’ll never forget where I was” moments, whether it’s taking a phone call on a Monday evening on the couch where a friend on the end of the line says, “I don’t know how to tell you this,” or it’s the cycle of bad news getting closer to home and unsettling you, disturbing you and making you question why humans are so prone to idiocy.

Sometimes, it’s 2–3 weeks of all of the above: you end up morose, lacking for anything, neither unhappy nor happy, impetus gone, projects put on hold, just a cycle of wake up, walk, eat, work, walk, eat, sleep.

No boxsets; they bore you. No runs, you cannot be bothered, fresh food — no, even conversation troubles you. Your mind and body crave all these things, but something, a mist, stops you from reaching for them.

At this moment, all of the above refers to someone close to me, someone close to you.

Heck, at this moment, this refers to me.

This mist is something new to me, well, newish. Years of my life were spent in and out of hospitals, seeing my Mother slowly ebb away. Most of which she caused. I spent the time dealing with the trauma, the pain and the anger, not to mention what you may call inconvenience and associated guilt; all this was done without missing a beat at work or home. A career in crisis management helped here.

I’m not alone in having these challenges; I’m not special.

When Mum passed away, the initial feeling was relief; how awful of me.

Relief became guilt, and anger became motivation. I immediately threw myself into work, new writing and speaking projects, volunteering, mentoring, and anything else to ‘help’. I thought it was helping others when, in fact, it was helping myself.

The mist came a few months later; I classified it as self-doubt and imposter syndrome, as some of my projects came to the fore. It passed, barely noticed. But it kept returning, never too dark, never threatening but debilitating to a degree. The smile remains, but the eyes are dead behind them.

So why write this?

I write this because I know the mist well and want others to recognise it in me (selfishly) and themselves (hopefully).

The mist has visited me many times over the years, creeping in slowly, clouding my thoughts and sapping my energy. I used to fight it constantly, pushing myself to keep up appearances even as I struggled internally. I’ve learned that the mist comes for a reason, and resisting it only worsens things.

I’ve learned to accept the mist as an old friend, albeit an unpleasant one. When it arrives, I let my obligations and busy schedules fall away. I retreat into quiet moments of reflection, force myself to run, and spend time with loved ones. I give my mind and body the rest they crave.

I also write….

In time, the mist begins to lift, and my energy and new perspective return. I emerge renewed, reminded of what matters. The mist is a messenger, telling me to slow down, care for myself, and appreciate the gifts in my life.

When the mist arrives, I continue to try to support others, volunteer, and give back, but I often leave little room for my own self-help. It’s nobody’s fault but my own. Focusing on others and their challenges leaves me with little time or energy to address my own struggles.

Truthfully, there are moments when I feel lost and overwhelmed by the cumulative weight of the problems I have absorbed from others, where I don’t feel valued, where I worry that what I have said is wrong, where I think — why to do this?

Because I love it, and the people I speak with are wonderful humans.

But…..a line springs to mind: “Who motivates the motivator?”

During those dark times with my Mother, I was so accustomed to being the strong one, the advisor, the ally, that the idea of seeking help felt foreign. My motivation was getting in, getting out and getting home. My motorcycle was an outlet for my emotions.

Yet even the most outwardly resilient of us need someone to lean on. Everyone, no matter how strong, needs a network of support.

The irony of this situation is that those I love, mentor, and advise would likely be the first to offer me support if they knew I needed it. I need to get better at asking.

Often, those who give the most struggle with asking for help. At this moment, I’m not asking for help, but someone else out there may need it. Listen out for them—and I’m learning that silence is often the loudest shout. The fact remains that if you need assistance, please reach out.

Don’t let things go from a mist to a blackout.

Writing this article lifts the mist for me. Putting this ‘on paper’ and out there helps me. But everyone is different.

In the end, the question remains: Who motivates the motivator? In my opinion, let’s motivate and support one another; this is a two-way street.

Here are some places in the UK to get help.

#ANDYSMANCLUB — A place for men to talk, listen, and support each other. Their motto, “It’s okay to talk,” says it all.

Mental Health UK — Offering a range of services and support for mental health issues across the UK.

Samaritans — Available 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk. Sometimes, a conversation can make all the difference.

Mind — Providing advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They campaign to improve services, raise awareness, and promote understanding.

Take care, and please do shout if you need anything.

A response to recent events and my own confession(s)

As an IT 'service' professional for over 30 years, I've witnessed our industry's relentless demands first-hand. I'd guess that my experiences are why several people have asked me for my thoughts on the Crowdstrike incident. 

Thank you for asking; I'm sorry to let you down. 

SPOILER - I wasn’t there; I have an opinion, but it's irrelevant and not contained within this article. Please don't read on if that’s what you are hoping for.

I cannot add anything fact-based; I wasn't there, and I wasn't impacted. I can offer my thoughts on how events like the Crowdstrike incident have highlighted the immense pressure on IT teams to be perpetually available and resolve issues. Last week (July 24), the public and the peers of this organisation's IT teams scrutinised this event to the nth degree. I cannot lie; at first, I was almost compelled to throw my thoughts in the mix, but then I realised - I wasn't there, and my opinion would be of zero use to those impacted. As the dust settles and we begin to see more evidence, that may be the time to offer my educated thoughts. 

However, last week's event reminded me that the expectation of constant availability placed upon many in our industry is unsustainable and detrimental to our mental, emotional, and physical health. Today, I would like to share my observations and personal experiences regarding the pervasive issue of burnout in our field.

And my own confession. 

High-profile action faced with peer 'advice on what went wrong'

When critical systems fail, the expectation is clear: IT teams must drop everything to fix the incident, regardless of the time or personal cost. The public, stakeholders, and customers often demand immediate resolution, with little understanding of the complexity and effort required to restore normalcy, often in a scenario where the issue itself was not your fault. Still, the burden of communication and resolution rests squarely on your shoulders.

During the weekend (and beyond) of July 19-22, 2024, IT professionals worked tirelessly around the clock, sacrificing sleep, family time, and personal well-being to bring systems back online. The constant negative commentary and scrutiny from the public and their 'oh so wise' industry peers only added to the stress, creating a high-pressure environment where mistakes could be catastrophic. This scenario is not unique; it's a stark reminder of the everyday reality for many in our industry. The expectation to be "always on" can lead to chronic stress and burnout, with far-reaching consequences.

The Toll on Mental Health

Burnout is more than just feeling tired. It's a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion caused by prolonged and excessive stress. When you are constantly on high alert, as is frequently required in IT crises, your mental health can deteriorate rapidly. Symptoms of burnout can include anxiety, depression, irritability, and a pervasive sense of helplessness. 

Trust me. I've been there. I was, in a way, there this week. Reading the negative posts and responses to our colleagues on LinkedIn and supposed professional Facebook groups really frustrated me. Actually, it pi$$ed me off. 

In my own experience, countless nights have been spent up all night troubleshooting issues, responding to alerts, communicating with stakeholders and trying to stay ahead of potential crises. In the beginning, I loved it; it was a buzz, and the feeling of being a hero appealed to my vanity. 

Nowadays, I joke that phone calls fill me with terror—I now remove the 'joke' element. When anyone calls me, I wouldn't say I like it; there is no buzz; it makes me uncomfortable, and my initial reaction is not to answer. This is because I had approximately 15 years when 99% of business and professional phone calls contained bad news—it hits me hard every time.

That weight of responsibility for our IT colleagues is immense, and the fear of failure is ever-present. Over time, this relentless pressure can lead to significant mental health challenges. Anxiety becomes a constant companion, and the joy and passion for the job can quickly fade, replaced by a sense of dread, especially when the phone rings or a Teams / Zoom IM starts with 'hey.....'.

The Physical Consequences

The impact of burnout extends beyond mental health; it has serious physical repercussions as well. The stress of being constantly available and under pressure can manifest in numerous ways, including chronic fatigue, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and weakened immune function. Over time, these symptoms can lead to more severe health problems such as cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and other stress-related illnesses.

During high-pressure periods, such as the aftermath of the Crowdstrike incident, it's common to see IT professionals neglecting basic self-care. Skipping meals, foregoing exercise, and sacrificing sleep have become the norm. In my own life, I've experienced the toll this takes. The physical exhaustion from sleepless nights, combined with the stress-induced headaches and digestive issues, has often left me feeling drained and unable to perform at my best.

Approx. Ten years ago, I went to my doctor about headaches and was sent immediately to a neurologist under suspicion of having an aneurysm. It wasn't an aneurysm; it was stress; it literally had me on the verge of collapse - that was the day I said enough is enough, but only to myself. I was back at work the next day. Bad move. 

Please treat others well, and don’t hide your ill health like I did.

The Hidden Danger of Over-Commitment

Beyond the demands of our professional roles, many of us in the IT and service field are also deeply committed to volunteering and helping others learn from our mistakes and experiences; I'm sure it's in our blood. 

While these activities are rewarding (the most rewarding), they can also contribute to burnout if not managed properly—the line between work and personal time blurs when you're helping others inside and outside of work. The desire to positively impact can lead to overcommitment and an unsustainable workload.

In my journey, I've often juggled multiple volunteer commitments alongside my professional responsibilities. Mentoring, participating in community initiatives, and providing pro bono support are incredibly fulfilling activities - I dearly love them, but they also add to the strain on time and emotional resources. The cumulative effect of these commitments can be overwhelming, making it difficult to manage stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Please respect the time of those who help. Ninety-nine per cent of people do, but the one per cent who don’t make it so hard to carry on.

My advice for recovery and prevention

Recognising the signs of burnout is the first step towards recovery. Acknowledging the stressors and taking proactive measures to address them is essential. Here are some strategies that have helped and are helping me and that I believe can help others in our field:

1. Set Boundaries: Clearly define and stick to your work hours. It's important to have a clear demarcation between work and personal time. You can turn off work notifications outside these hours to give yourself a mental break. If you plan on sending an email out of someone's published working hours - schedule it instead using your email client.

2. Prioritise Self-Care: Make time for activities that promote physical and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep are crucial. Additionally, meditation, training, and reading can help manage stress. Please do what works best for you. I'm no guru in this space; I eat averagely. Exercise, writing, and clay are my self-care activities. 

If you need me before 9 a.m., that's my running and dog-walking time. I will now be selfish with that time when I need to be.

3. Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out for help. Whether talking to a trusted colleague, seeking professional counselling, or joining a support group, having a support system can make a significant difference. 

Look at itSMF UK BCS, The Chartered Institute for IT and Women of ITSM, to name just three ITSM / Tech-themed organisations that spring to mind. 

4. Delegate and Collaborate: If you are part of a team, you don't have to do everything yourself. Trust your team and delegate tasks where possible. Collaboration can ease the burden and lead to better outcomes. 

5. Regular Breaks and Holidays: Regular breaks during the day and longer holidays can help recharge your batteries. It's vital to step away from work to gain perspective and prevent burnout. Protect your diary; others won't. 

When you are on holiday, switch off as much as possible. I'm terrible at this. It takes me five days to stop thinking about my 'last' day, and I start thinking about my 'first' day five days early—I literally need a two-week holiday to get four days of downtime.

6. Learn to Say No: This is by far the hardest thing to do on this list, but it's okay to decline additional commitments if they will overextend you. Focus on quality over quantity in both your professional and personal life. Good people will understand, and you'll be surprised by how they might help you.

A Call to Action

The Crowdstrike incident is a powerful reminder of the pressures IT professionals face. As an industry, we must prioritise the well-being of our workforce. Employers should foster a supportive environment (i.e., a Community) that recognises the signs of burnout and offers resources to help employees manage stress. Critical steps include encouraging a culture of open communication, providing access to mental health services, and promoting work-life balance.

For those who are deeply committed to our work and helping others, it's essential to remember that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves is not a sign of weakness but a necessary step to continue effectively supporting our colleagues, clients, and communities.

In conclusion, burnout is a significant and growing issue in the IT industry, exacerbated by the expectation to be always available and the added pressures of over-commitment. By recognising the dangers, taking proactive steps to manage stress, and fostering a supportive work environment, we can mitigate the adverse impacts of burnout and promote a healthier, more sustainable approach to our work and lives.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope my observations and confessions resonate with you and encourage you to prioritise your well-being and that of others in this demanding industry.

Big love. 

David